Hope for Colston

Colston has been doing great! We see the cardiologist about every 10 days or so and this last Friday Colston weighed 6 pounds 5 ounces!! A whole pound since he was born two months ago. We are so thrilled even though it's a slow climb, but it is a forward climb and that's all that matters. 

The doctor does an echo on his heart every appointment and Colston's stent and bands look perfect and everything is working as it should right now.  

One of the hardest things about him doing so good, is constantly having the thought in the back of your mind that something bad is going to come out of nowhere and it will set us back.  Trying to be optimistic all the time takes a lot of energy when you read so many stories of other heart babies that all have different types of setbacks and all you can wonder is, "I wonder if that is what ours will be."  It seems like every baby has a set back of some sort, be it a leaky valve or the worst, cardiac arrest. We've already had the latter so I'm hoping that isn't in the cards for us anymore. 

It is a difficult task talking to other families with the same heart condition because no two cases are the same.   I think I have scared myself into always thinking the worst from talking to the moms in my support groups.  Some of them have babies that had to go home on oxygen, or with a feeding tube, and also on six or seven different medicines. Colston is on two and was over saturating his oxygen.  I kept thinking...are we that fortunate? There's no way. The doctors are over looking something. For as bad as this is, we're doing really good. 

There was a small period of time where I let my paranoia get the best of me and I was in a constant state of worry. Ask Justin how many times I have asked him if he thought Colston looked blue, or if his breathing seemed shallow. But I had to stop doing that, as hard as it is, because it was taking me away from appreciating that he is here now and not taking for granted this present moment. He is still here with us and instead of constantly thinking and worrying about the worst, I need to spend my time looking at his big brown eyes, snuggling him while I can, and thanking God everyday for giving me one more day with my son. 

No, the worry will never truly go away and we are still very early on in this journey, but it makes it an easier road to travel on when you have great doctors, an amazing husband that you can vent all your frustrations and worries to, and God. The power of prayer is an incredible thing and we are so blessed that it has been pointed our way.  Every day with Colston is truly a gift and one that we promise to cherish everyday.